***Disclaimer***The purpose of this post is not to sound like I am having a pity party or to make you think I am curled up in the fetal position on my bed in tears. It is an effort to journal the real struggles and journey of Rob's trip from my point of view and what I am dealing with. Keep that in mind as you read further. (And Rob, if you read this...well don't...but if you do, don't feel guilty. This is part of our journey!)***
The last two days have been emotional. Let's be honest...we are getting in the home stretch of this trip. We have been separated for 9 days now and it is wearing on the kids and I. And I do not doubt that Satan is trying to distract me from what the Lord is teaching me. I keep reminding myself that the Lord is the same yesterday, today and forever. So the same God that got me through days 1 &2 is right here to get me through days 10-12!
I have all these thoughts in my head that I am trying to pray through and sort out.
...How do I help Rob process everything from this side of it?
...How do we transition back into our everyday life, without going back to the way things were before?
...What do we after all this?
...How can I help these kids? My kids? the kids in Africa?
...When do I get to go?
Those are just a few things. As I think through them that is when the emotions rise up.
I am exhausted! I have not slept well AT ALL. I wake several times a night and have a hard time going back to sleep. I am trying to be patient with the kids (which has actually been way better than normal. That is a whole nother post...maybe tomorrow.) I am doing my best to help them sort through emotions they don't understand. Carys cried today when she got home because she was hot during gym. Seriously! The girl is sensitive, but that is not normal. And she has cried everyday because of something silly like that. Now you and I know that is because she misses her Daddy, but she doesn't have the means to express that. Broderick goes into modes of complete happiness to complete anger. This isn't always totally out of character for him, either, but the frequency of them is completely abnormal. So all that is going on, while I have all these thoughts, and I am talking to Rob everyday and hearing about all this exciting stuff he is doing and all the sweet kids at Fiwagoh, which I absolutely love. But, it is all kind of a recipe for a hurricane!
If I do those things, the emotions subside and the Lord is there to help me through.
Just like he was yesterday.