This word "retreat" keeps coming up in my head. I keep hearing, "Just go back to the way you were living. It would be so much easier. Watch tv every night, find something fun to do on the weekend, do what you want...live for yourself. Retreat." Every time I start feeling something, or "processing" something I hear, "retreat, retreat, retreat."
Then I feel this nudge to press on. Keep moving past the pain, hurt, confusion. Keep my eyes on the Lord and press on.
Today I really felt it...
Retreat, retreat, retreat.
Some things kind of came crashing down on me and it was all a little to much. Things I have been suppressing for the past week and a half, things I have been retreating from hit me like a brick wall.
As I was driving to house church I was thinking, "ok, people are going to ask me how I am doing. Do I give them the fake I am okay or the honest I am feeling a little bi-polar today." God knew what I needed because actually no one asked. One sweet friend simply came up gave me a hug and said, "I wasn't going to ask how you are, I just have been wanting to give you a hug." Have you ever felt like you just wish God had on skin and could hug you? Well, that was God's way of giving me a hug. He is so good. I am sure my friend had no idea that in that moment she was Jesus to me, but she was.
We sat down to do our content time and Rob played this video. Go watch it...seriously.
I sat their, with tears in my eyes, thinking "this is why I am not going to retreat. This is why I press on."
Jesus didn't retreat.
his whole self...
to God's will...
on a cross.
That is the God I serve. A God that died for me.
I am going to stop listening to the enemy yelling "retreat, retreat, retreat" and I am going to start listening to Jesus whisper, "surrender, surrender, surrender."