We've been home for almost 4 weeks and I have sat behind this computer screen 100 times...okay, maybe not quite 100 but a few....to try and put some words to my thoughts. I can't. I can't hardly form a complete sentence when someone asks me the famous, "how was you trip" question. I don't have the words to articulate what is going on in my head. And if I start to try it just comes out like "blah"...puke. That's what I feel like anyway...like I am just vomiting my thoughts on someone. I have learned from my previous trips that most people don't want the vomit. They want to hear "It was great." or "It was life changing." Not all the vomit that is happening in my head. This process is just so hard...I come home and I want life to stop so I don't have to continue on with the day to day...work, school, karate, dance and so on.
I just want the world to stop coming at me. I just need a minute to think and breathe and be still. I understand that this is not a real possibility. Life and time will continue to go on. So I must get up each day and do the next best thing. I must continue to pursue Him and nothing else. I must continue to press in to His truth and His word. How do you do that? How do you "be still" but keep going?
All that to say...I'm still here. I'm still doing this life. I'm still pressing on.