What I Would Have Missed

I almost didn't go...to Uganda.

My initial answer was no.

When I think about that, I get sad.

When Rob and I found out about the trip in May we talked and considered it up until the deadline to sign up, which was in June.  Then we just decided the details weren't working out and we said we couldn't go.

To be honest, it wasn't just about the details.  I was afraid.
(If you know me this should be no shock to you.)

It was a dream of mine to go to Africa...one day.  I just never dreamt it would be so soon.  I came up with all these excuses of why I couldn't go.  But God kept putting things in front of me saying I want you to go. There were a few things that happened that kept prompting us to entertain the idea of going. One of them was listening to this sermon that I came across on Facebook.  Listening to this was just the beginning of letting go of some of my fears.  (If you have about 30 minutes and struggle with fear listen to it.  It is great.)  It is based on Matthew 5:10 "Blessed are those who suffer for doing what is right. The kingdom of God belongs to them." Now I know what you are thinking, suffer?  Did you really suffer?  Not really, but something  Kyle said convicted me to my core, "That we have a comfort zone, but what is that right outside of our comfort zone is God's blessing."  Whoa!  My comfort zone is here, with my family.  In the "safety" of my home, my community.  My comfort zone is where I have "control" of my surroundings.  Then Kyle says, "but many of us don't experience that blessing because we want to be safe and secure and comfortable."  That is so much how I feel most of the time.  I am worried about what will happen outside of my comfort zone.  After listening to that message and really seeking what the Lord wanted, I had this thought...what if I stay in my comfort zone.  And then that thought became even more scary than leaving my comfort zone.

For many years I have been a slave to fear.  I am the girl that stays up past midnight to keep an eye on the weather to make sure we aren't going to have tornadoes.  I am the girl that panics if my kid's bus doesn't pull up right at the time it is supposed to.  I am the girl that freaks when I call Rob and he doesn't answer the phone while he is at work.  So the thought of flying on a plane for 16+ hours and landing on the other side of the world without my kids, in another country, was terrifying.  I just kept feeling God say, "go."  And it got to a point where I said to Rob, "If I don't go, I am being disobedient to what God is asking of me."  After we bought the plane tickets I really felt a peace.  I know, you have heard people say that before and it sounds cheesy, but it is the truth.  I felt at total peace.

I don't want to be dishonest...
Was it hard to leave my kids for 12 days? yes.
Was it difficult to coordinate who was watching them? yes.
Was it completely scary to think about flying over the ocean? yes.
Was it uncomfortable being surrounded by a different culture? yes
But then God laid this verse in front of me, "See I am sending an angel before you to protect you on your journey and lead you safely to the place I have prepared for you."  (Exodus 23:20)  And every time I would start to get a little worried God would remind me of this.  He still reminds me of this.

When I think that I said no first, I think of all the blessing I would have missed out on.  I think of all those beautiful eyes I looked into.  I think of all the beautiful smiles I saw.  I think of all the hugs I received from those children.  I think of how God proved Himself as faithful time and again.  I think of how serving with my husband has deepened our marriage and purpose.  I think of the friends that I have made that I will forever have a bond with.  I think of how He patiently nudged me out of my comfort zone and took me to a place where blessings overflowed.